dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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