Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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