I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
