Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
