I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
