i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Are we still banned from the library?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
