did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
