just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
