i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
