Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
