I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
