Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
