yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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