I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
