Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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