Whod you bang
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
