Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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