At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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