Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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