Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
