Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
