Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
