I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
