toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
