Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
