no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
