It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
