just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
