Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think my fart just growled at me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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