I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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