i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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