She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
