Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
