I think my vagina is haunted
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
