He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
