My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
