there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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