So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
