Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
