there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
