Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
