I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
