The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Non-Jews are for practice
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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