; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
