omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think i got beer on your cat.
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