Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
