i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
