hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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