I think im going to throw up on grandma
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
