bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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