we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
be right there i have to get my cape
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
