I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My bed smells like the plague
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
