Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
